I have a wonderful habit of making up details of how things will turn out even when I have no idea what the truth actually is … or how it actually unfold … Does everyone do this same thing? I've heard others say that when people are not given enough information, they make up the parts that they don't know. Just so they have an answer. And this is completely along the same lines.
When you expect a phone call and it doesn't come you're pretty sure that person has driven off the road and is in a ditch somewhere. Or maybe I'm the only one who does that. I assumed all these years that it was my impatience that was the culprit here. But perhaps it's my desire to know the rest of the story. To have the details. To put the pieces together in my mind until they make sense.
My mind works that way. It wants things to make sense. Perhaps not always logically, but to have a sequence - an order that allows a synchronized flow. And when the information to me stops, I make up the details in order to enable it to continue.
When I say it like that, I sound rather crazy. I assure you, I'm not. Well, most days I'm not…..
It's the order of things that resonates with me. And there is a pattern and sequence to how things unfold that appeals to me. And in my impatience to complete the sequence I've been known to make up my own details … in my mind … that enable a logical ending.
These little stories might be the death of me! Why does everything have to make sense? And have some order? It doesn't.
Life is messy. Its answers sometimes come slowly. And sometimes things just remain unfinished. For now. Until it is their time to be finished. Which I remind myself very often, is out of my control.
There are only so many things that are within my control. Most of which is my reaction to things. And having a reality unfinished is out of my control. I find that when I wait for the answers to come, they make sense. That being said, they are not always the answers I was hoping for - but that's not realistic either.
If this were a novel, I'd be in charge of the sequence and timing. But life is not a novel. It's non-fiction all the way. And isn't that more exciting anyway? To have things unfold and tell their own story - not one that I negotiated for my own personal gain.
Sometimes the details are so surprising and cause such delight, that I couldn't have predicted their outcome. And that is really worth waiting for .. in the end it's the surprises that delight which make for real joy! Not something I've orchestrated .. although that may produce some satisfaction .. it's not the joy of real delight.
So I'll stop making up all the details in order to have the story tied up in a neat little package. I'll leave room for surprise and glee. Those are the very best kinds anyway.
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