I watched the movie Perks of a Wallflower on Saturday night. It was a haunting reminder of high school and how I didn't fit in. It was sweet, honest and cut to the core of what happens when one feels alone. Alone in a way that you are convinced that no other soul could possibly identify with. And yet, it seems there must be so many of us that have felt that. Especially back then.
What about adulthood? What about when you have a mortgage and a career, even a spouse and children. Are there times it is acceptable to feel like you don't fit in?
Whether it's acceptable or not, it happens. There are times when I'm sure I'm the only one who could possibly be feeling the way I do. Left out. Alone. Hiding even.
And those are times of perseverance and tremendous growth. They are times when I need to reach deep within and listen to my heart. My gut even. Although that works best for initial reactions. I try to find time each day to listen to the quiet. To allow my heart to have a time to beat without judgement.
When I find peace within it becomes a lot less lonely on the outside. I've learned to trust myself these days. And yet sometimes it's a crap shoot. I try new things, I invest time and energy in new people and all the while I could be setting myself up to fail. And the alone part is that you have to do these things from yourself.
Take a chance. Live for today.
And although I might not always fit in, I am more comfortable with who I am. And that is a lot less lonely. And who wants to all be alike anyway? That would be so boring - at least that's what I tell my daughter. And I need to believe it too.
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