Vulnerability

Many words of encouragement have been shared with me as I embark upon this next leg of my journey.  Brave, courageous, fearless are the most positive ones people have mentioned.  Yet there are times throughout that I don't feel quite so strong.

Yesterday I watched a Brene Brown show on OWN and she spoke to the vulnerability of living.  In her book Daring Greatly she shares that vulnerability is the keystone to living a life more fully engaged.  This has been a practice that I've been living for several years now.  Mind you, this doesn't mean crying in public, but allowing myself to ask for help, to not have to shoulder the entire burden by 'pretending' to be strong.

I admit that this is scary.  I feel that this new adventure is unknown and with the excitement also comes fright.  By not allowing myself to live in a place of fear, but to feel the emotion and find ways to move through it have helped to feel more true to myself.

Vulnerable.

Yikes, that's a hard one, huh?  Feels weak, feels mushy.  But I'm learning that, to me, it has begun to mean honesty.  By acknowledging my vulnerability I don't feel exhausted from trying to be brave all the time.  It allows me to be honest, with myself most of all.

Goodbyes are hard.  Endings are hard.  And honestly, so are beginnings!  Just take the first step, right, isn't that what people say.  Sure, I'm willing to take the first step.  What comes next?  Acknowledging that this is scary and different.

There is a vulnerability in goodbye.  When done honestly it is a culmination of the entire experience punctuated by this ending.  Without it feeling traumatic, how can I use each goodbye to learn, to grow?

I've decided to fill my calendar with lunches and coffee chats for the next few weeks.  I've color coded them and they are sunny yellow.  Many hours to look forward to and mark time in my relationships.  I've also decided to write about each of those meetings.  I'll call it The Lunch Series.  To capture the words of wisdom from our lunch as well as all the person brought to my life during our time together.  It will help me be intentional with each meeting, as well as provide a written memory to keep as I move through all the changes.

Its allowing me to be vulnerable in the meetings.  And vulnerable in my writing.  And I will continue to move forward Daring Greatly!